Monday May 24th

Here it is after midnight and once again I find myself thinking of you (Dave). I have thought about you all day.....I have thought about the little things... the way you always kissed me hello and goodbye....your smile....your blue eyes.... your voice...... We counted our years together in anniversaries, but we kept track in school years as well, ......it is funny that we kept track that way!
This morning I attended the "year end" Inservice as I have for the last 26 years, but today was very different because you were not there. I felt you there, I spoke for you there, but you were beginning a journey, one that I can only imagine.
So now the counting takes on a new perspective.....anniversaries without you....school years counted without you......and I am beginning a journey as well, and it is a journey without you.
In times of trouble we found enormous strength and faith in one another and I am going to need you to help me thru this. I know that you told me that "feeling sorry for yourself doesn't make the situation any better"......so I am going to try not to disappoint you.....I will remain strong for our kids.......I will listen for your voice, and I will try to gain courage and confidence each day as I face whatever new experience comes my way. .....once again it will be just you and me.....new beginnings for us both.....
This is the end of my blog...it was meant to be a testimony to your life, Dave, and to your courage. I hope it was a testament to the deep and unending love that we shared as well, a love that your death has only interrupted until we can be together again.
Blessings to all of the friends that have been with us each day and that have made each moment better.

Sunday May 23rd

My days seem to be a series of short clips..some good, others come crashing down when I least expect it......I had Dave's wedding band sized to fit me and it was ready today...(earlier than I had expected) having it on my finger sent me into a bit of a meltdown....
As luck would have it Schultz's called and asked me to join them for dinner.....I think it was a God thing or maybe Dave was watching out for me.......
Tomorrow there is a district meeting and I really want to thank my wonderful Maize family for all that they had done to help us through this difficult time. I AM determined to get thru it without being too emotional. I think Dave would want me to thank everyone.....I know that they are presenting me with something for him......it will be another short clip in my day.....bittersweet I am sure.....

Thursday May 20th

Chris and I went out to Resthaven today to finish the design for Dave's brass marker. It was a very emotional day for us both. I don't think I could have gone out there myself....
Leeann called me late this afternoon and we went out to eat and then came back here to watch the season closer of "Gray's Anatomy". I didn't feel very well, but she was a good sport about it! I don't know if I have a bug or a bit of a nervous stomach.....
Matt and Cayte had to take their Lab pup to Mission, Kansas for shoulder surgery today. I went over to doggie sit their other dog.....It has been quite a week.....
Blessings to all....

Wednesday May 19th

What a dreary day!! We need to see the sun shine.....
I spent most of the day writing "thank you" notes. Some of the flowers that Dave received had only first names on them and I was not able to figure who they were from exactly. It is frustrating because it is important to me that EVERYONE know that each and every act of kindness was so appreciated....
I continue to receive so many cards from friends....We are still receiving donations for Hospice and for Dave's memorial. I go weekly to Hospice and I now have an account set up for the memorial until we decide how best to spend the money. I am open for suggestions.......
Chris continues to stay with me at night....it is good because we have had a chance to talk about alot of things.......I am so lucky to have the kids that I have....and that includes my son-in-law....we have been a support system for one another. Our life has forever changed, but we are going to be OK and I know that Dave knew that fact as well.......
Blessings to all........

Monday May 17th

The "Benefit Bash" for Dave was wonderful, and the weather could not have turned out to be better! Thank you Kevan (and band) for doing such a selfless thing! I will use the donations to do something really special for MSMS.....I have lots of minds thinking about it right now and we would appreciate suggestions....
To all who attended THANK YOU SO MUCH! I tried to get around to everyone....it was a bittersweet time for me.
Everyone asks how I am...I am just keeping very busy....I compare my life to eating fluffy mashed potatoes without salt! Each day I am filled but it is not very satisfying........
Chris continues to stay with me at night and that helps me sleep better.....Cayte and Matt check on me daily....and my friends are just the BEST!!!
Going from a life filled with love, laughter and a perfect partnership to this strange quiet will take some getting used to......But if Dave can finish his life with the strength and grace that he maintained...I know that I must do my best( to make him proud.) He did after all say repeatedly "Feeling sorry for myself is NOT going to make this situation any better" What a guy!!!
Blessings to all..........

Thursday May 13

A week has gone by and in some ways it seems an eternity. I keep really busy during the day, but the nights are my enemy. Chris has been staying with me and that helps.
Nights give me an opportunity to think, which is sometimes good and sometimes bad......I remember the first time that I "experienced death"......I was about 14 and a friend of mine died very suddenly of an aneurysm. At school the next day our teacher gave us a poem that we discussed as part of our healing and processing. It is ironic that I remember the first words of that poem..."The bustle in the house the morning after death". I never really understood those words until now.
Voices, movements, family conversations all registered aimlessly in my mind after Dave died..... I could only think about the emptiness and the pain of losing my love......the noise was just bustle in the house and in my mind.
Dave's brother gave me a silver heart that is broken in two pieces, but bound together with gold thread. It symbolizes the fact that even though a heart is broken it will heal in time, bringing wisdom and compassion. Dave was an incredible man. I am going allow myself some time to ache and then because of the strength of our love I will move on. Reading your cards, e-mails, facebook comments...are all comforting. I know that a part of my life is over, but with your help and prayers, I will discover a new direction and I will be OK.....I have so many good deeds to pay forward!
Thank you to everyone for the donations, plants, the "Westerman cross" was beautiful......stamps, gift cards, food, paperplates, cups, more food .....I hope that I don't leave anyone out as I begin to send my thank yous!!!!
Blessings to all.....Dave and I have been loved well by all of you!!!!

Friday May 7th

I am not sure how much longer that I will continue this blog.....writing it has been good for me because it gave me a chance to sit and reflect at the end of each day.
My life has changed now, and soon I will have to discover who I am again.
I have lost my best friend and the love of my life. I can't imagine being loved by someone as completely as I was loved by Dave. That in itself will sustain me..
Thank you ALL for the love and support that you sent our way thru all of this....

Wednesday May 5th

Dave continues to sleep comfortably. We are at peace because Dave's strength and love fill the room.
Blessings to all......

Tuesday May 4th

Dave's breathing was very labored this morning but began to steady as the day passed. Most of the day was again very peaceful, and he slept quietly as we all loved on him as much as possible.
This evening Leeann, Kip, Chris, Bailey, Matt, Cayte, Mike and I went thru photo albums.....we laughed and cried thinking of all the good memories!
I want to again thank the boys that came over last evening and did my yard work: Kord Sanders, Wes Phillips, Nick Richardson, Drake Dukes, Kane McCarthy, Micah Kiser, Zach Keller, Taner Thurman, Creighton Hoover, and Logan Allred. The yard looks beautiful......you did a really wonderful thing for Coach Pettay and for me!
Blessings to all.........

Monday May 3rd

Dave has slept very deeply all day, but it is a very calm and peaceful sleep. We continue to talk to him and love on him, he is the one that is giving us the strength to make it through the day.
Chad Christensen brought over some of the varsity baseball guys after practice today and they did all of my yard work. Mowing, edging, potting flowers and even planting a forsythia bush for me! There are absolutely no words to express how moved I was seeing those boys out there.....I told Dave he would be proud of the work they did for us.....Thank you guys!!!
These days are hard, but the sting is less because of the random acts that we keep receiving each day. We have never felt alone....thank you to all.....Blessings.....

Sunday May 2nd

Dave has slipped into a deep sleep today. Our hearts are heavy but we have been surrounded by his family and a few close friends today and it has been a peaceful transition. I know that God holds his life in His hands right now, but all of us have Dave's life's energy in our hearts.
Chris and Cayte are here with me tonight and we are all sleeping here in our big bed with Dave beside us in his bed...it is calm and it is good to be here together. We still gain strength from knowing Dave is here with us.
We need your prayers now more than ever and especially pray for Dave's mother. No mother should ever have to out live their child.
Blessings to all......

Saturday May 1st

Yesterday was possibly the most difficult day of our lives together. Dave was very agitated but not able to tell me what he wanted.....I am not sure I could have endured had it not been for Kip, who sat with Dave when I just didn't think I could do it anymore. Kip helped me with things that no friend should have to do...and he did it with grace and dignity. Love is a powerful thing...and I witnessed it again today as Dave Warn lifted Dave from bed to bed so gently.....and sat with him so that I could have some time with family.
Hospice came out Friday afternoon and they have switched Dave to liquid meds that he can swallow. He is just not able to swallow pills or capsules anymore. The nurse walked thru the rest of this journey with me. My heart aches as I try to absorb it all. Chris and Cayte have been such a blessing and they have helped me stay strong.
I have decided that we are not going to allow anymore visitors. Anyone who wishes is more than welcome to come to the house, but Dave will not be receiving visitors. He is such a beautiful man and he deserves the dignity that he has maintained throughout his life now more than ever.
Thank you all for keeping us in your prayers. Each day is a gift, and as long as I can walk into the room and see Dave there it is a good day for me.
Blessings to all.......

Thursday April 29th

It is hard to believe that on June 30th Dave and I will have been married for 26 years. We were talking not long ago that the years have gone by so fast....so many wonderful memories. He still gives me a hard time that I took the words "obey" out of our vows. There is just no way that I could have kept that one.......
Today I felt the weight of our vows so deeply in my heart..."to love, honor, and cherish thru sickness and thru health" ....after visiting with doctors and praying for guidance, I have decided to cease cancer treatments and bring Dave home. Hospice has already been to our house and he has a bed by ours so that we can still sleep together at night. A nurse will be out tomorrow to assess his health needs further so that we can be sure that he is comfortable. It is the hardest decision that I have ever had to make and although my heart feels heavy, I know that it is the right decision.
Dave has fought this cancer so bravely, but he is tired. He no longer has the ability to speak and it is hard for him to swollow. He does still follow what we say because he can follow directions or nod. I just want him to be here in the house that we built together where we can continue to make memories with our kids and our friends.
Today as the ambulence brought him home (he is too weak to travel by car), reality set in for me. The kids are going to take turns staying with me at night. I will cherish whatever time we have left, his love has been the greatest gift in my life.
Blessings to all who have helped us walk this journey........

Wednesday April 28

Dave was very uncomfortable this evening and somewhat agitated, it is the first time I have seen him become so agitated ( I can generally soothe him by talking quietly about random things), but after a series of MEDS he is resting well.
Dr. Reddy came in this afternoon and we visited about treatment options. There were too many visitors here to discuss plans with Dave, so he will be back at 8:00 in the morning. I have cancelled radiation permanently, it's "benefit" was not worth the detriment to Dave's well being. I have cancelled his chemo that was scheduled for tomorrow....I think Dave has had just about enough for one week...
I am fairly sure that we will be heading home tomorrow, I suppose it depends on how the rest of the night goes. Chris is coming up after work and Cayte is working so I may go home and get some sleep so that I can return early in the morning.
My mother who was supposed to come tomorrow evidently showed up sometime this afternoon ????............everyone say a little prayer......
Blessings to all........

Tuesday April 27th

This has been quite an eventful 24 hours!
We have been in St. Francis since last night. Dave began having trouble breathing and was having chest pains, so we brought him in to be assessed and to get some relief. They gave him a breathing treatment and followed with oxygen for a couple of hours; when he was stable they moved him to Medical ICU. The doctor was here at 1:30 this morning and stayed for quite awhile. We have decided that for the time being, radiation is not in Dave's best interest and after all of the blood work and assessments are complete we will decide if chemo is still an appropriate measure as well. He is comfortable today and is eating solid food....his thought processes, both receptive and expressive seem to be fairly normal, but in slow motion. His oxygen is normal and steady.
If you call, please call my phone (250-5963), or e-mail me at cpettay@att.net. Please do not call Dave on his phone, because he needs his rest. Visitors are fine but in small increments of time.....(Dave is very frail.) We are in a holding pattern here...and will see what the day brings.....We know that he does have some pneumonia and that is being treated with IV antibiotics, other than that we will just have to wait.....The doctor will be in sometime today.
Thank you for your many blessings.....Dave needs your prayers.

Monday April 26th

Friends, after careful thought I am asking that you refrain from visits for awhile. The cancer and the radiation have really taken a toll on Dave to a point that visits fatigue him and communication is difficult. Hopefully he will rally in a few days and things can get back to "normal". Cards and e-mails are still appreciated....thank you so much for your understanding!! I will let you know as things progress......

Sunday April 25th

Once again this was a very busy weekend for Dave and our "revolving door" of company! Kip, Leeann, and Jayden came over Friday night and brought Mexican food....who would guess that Dave would be in the mood for that!! HAHA...he is hard to second guess. Mike, Karey and Roz were here from Texas and his sister from Olathe, Janice, Tim, Scott and Alex were here as well. There was a family reunion this weekend in Hutch so everyone was coming this way .....it was a fun visit for us all. Matt and Cayte came over and brought "Big Matt" with them...(it was good to see him).....Chris and Morgan were here most of the weekend....there was a housefull.
I rented some movies, and when Chris came to get Morgan after work this evening, Dave, the dog and I were all in bed, half asleep watching TV. It was a phone off the hook night......
Our week will be a busy one, since he has radiation every day at 11:00. In addition he will go from radiation to chemo on Thursday. That will be a long day that will begin at about 10:30 and go until possibly 4 or 5:00. Chris has offered to take Dave to radiation every day, and that is a help to me since Dave is for all practical purposes bound to his wheelchair. It is getting harder for me to get him in and out of the car, but Chris is able to lift him. It also gives them some time alone together...which they both enjoy.
We continue to receive so many e-mails ad cards. It is amazing the people that we have heard from.....My answering machine is not working......so if you really need me keep trying or call my cell...250-5963.
I visited with Marsha Rowley this afternoon and Dave got all of his paperwork in for the sick leave bank. He will finish the year with enough days that he will not be "docked" pay. He has worried about that fact from day one.....so all is good. He is just really disappointed that the radiation keeps him from going to school.....what a remarkable guy......
Phyllis Guinn and her mom came by this weekend too...It was so good to see them. Her mom is such a remarkable lady.....she is 90+ and holding.....but she looks at least 20 years younger....I think her secret is a positive outlook on life and a smile for everyone......anyway they brought over the poster for the Benefit Bash that is scheduled for May 16th for Dave. There are no words to describe how moved I was when her son (and band member) Kevan called me to ask if they could do this...it will be a very emotional night.
Blessings to all...hope that you have a great week.....

Thursday April 22nd

Today was a bit better. Dave is still weak, but not nauseous. We got his blood done and a bag of hydration from West Wichita this morning and then did radiation at 11:00. Our dr.(Davison) at West Wichita as well as his entire staff have been wonderful to help us thru all of this...
Dave slept most of the day. The dr. said that fatigue would possibly be the biggest side effect of radiation. I cleaned house most of the day since I didn't have to mow my lawn (thanks Dave Warn)!!!
Chris and Bailie came by this evening...she and I rented movies and the guys watched basketball..........it was actually a nice evening.
We continue to get e-mails and beautiful messages in cards.....thank you to everyone ...... you keep us afloat some days when the spirit is weak...I pay your kindness forward whenever I can........
Blessings to all......

Wednesday April 21st

Today was a rocky start for Dave. He woke up early not feeling well and I spent the next several hours trying to medicate appropriately and hydrate to get his nausea and stomach cramps to settle. Needless to say we did not go to our first radiation appointment. We will just begin tomorrow after our labs at West Wichita.
Chris stayed with Dave this afternoon so that I could get out and pick up Dave's prescriptions from the Cancer Center and then go to West Wichita to make sure that they were planning on us tomorrow for labs. I was able to see our family doc.....(Joe Davison). I told him that I was concerned about Dave needing hydration so he has it set up for first thing in the morning. The entire staff there has been so good to us during this entire process.....sometimes the Cancer Center is just too busy...I often feel very invisible when I am there......
He slept most of the day but seems better tonight. Hopefully he will be up for the appointments that are ahead of us tomorrow.....I guess we will see.
Blessings to all.....

Tuesday April 20th

Happy birthday to my nephew Josh tomorrow and belated to our niece Stephanie on April 9th...better late than never Steph!!
Dave went in for an MRI on Monday and the results showed numerous lesions throughout his brain. So we are to begin "whole brain" radiation tomorrow. He will receive 15 treatments. They will be given once a day for 15 days, excluding Saturday and Sunday. The dr seems to think that we have no choice in the matter. The consequences of not treating are just not good. Dave is all for it, and I respect his wishes.
We go to West Wichita on Thursday for lab work and that will give some good information as to how he is progressing with the chemo. He will not receive another body scan for another 4 weeks. The past week or so he has gotten visibly weaker and his appetite is just about zero. What he does eat, he does not always keep down, so I just want to make sure that the treatments given are in Dave's best interest, and not just because they can........
His ability to go thru all of this and never complain is amazing! His biggest concern is that he cannot go to school as he has been doing....but he will be at Track practice if at all possible. The support from his colleagues is what gives me the strength to take him to school each day and leave him. He absolutely does not want to give up his contact with them or with the kids. I think they have been the greatest healer for him throughout all of this.
Again, thank you all for your prayers and support....Deb Bishoff....thanks so much for dinner...it was so nice not to have to do anything but heat and eat!!!
Love and blessings to all!!!

Friday April 16th

This has been a day of ups and downs.....Dave is very fatigued from his chemo, and looks pale today. He was sick this morning but began to feel better as the day progressed.We had a 10:00 appointment with the radiologist this morning, who did the cyberkinfe on his back. It was to be a 1 month follow-up but Dr. Kelly is pushing to do radiation on Dave's brain, and has ordered an MRI for Monday. He told us that although the last scan showed cancer in 5 small areas of the brain, that might not be accurate, (since the scan is less specific than an MRI.)
According to him the cancer might be much more invasive, and preceeded to tell us some of the consequences of not dealing with it. Needless to say we are going to follow thru on the MRI, and Dave wants to do the radiation as well. I am concerned that it might have an effect on personality and cognition, but Dr. Kelly said no. I am still very fearful......I just can't seem to put into words why I feel as I do. It is however Dave's decision and I will stand by his wishes......I totally gave this day up to the Lord because it was far too much for me to carry.....
We had friends come over tonight with dinner......Joan, John, Jeannie, Ernie, Patty, and Bailie lightened the mood. We really had a good time talking and laughing. When they left I realized that we didn't talk about cancer once.....maybe that was the Lord's way of lightening the load and setting my sights to face another day!
Dave is such a blessing in my life and each day we spend together is a gift.
Blessings to all.......

Thursday March 15th

Dave had chemo today, another marathon appointment. It was such a beautiful day...I hated spending it inside a building! We left the house at 10:00 and returned at almost 2:30, but as usual Dave never complains. How lucky I am that in spite of all that we have to deal with he remains positive.....I am amazed by him each and every day!!
Hope everyone has a great weekend......blessings to all!

Monday April 12th

Chris and Bailey came over this evening we enjoyed some left over fried chicken and potatoes that Teresa Buchanan brought over last night and then watched a movie together. We took the phone off the hook because none of us wanted to talk ....kind of naughty, but sometimes we just need the time uninterrupted.
Dave went to school again today and is going to try to go to a track meet in Hutch tomorrow. There will be someone there if he gets tired and needs to come home. Hope all goes well for him, he is certainly determined!
Blessings to all who have faithfully supported us........

Sunday April 11th

I know that some of you worry when I don't post every day, but just know that no news is good news.
Dave continues to go to school...he is like the Energizer Bunny! He then naps before going to track practice. Once track practice is over he is pretty much down and out for the rest of the evening (and so am I). Our chemo days are on Thursdays with one Thursday a month "off". It is on that Thursday that he gets blood work and/or scans.
Saturday night Joan and John picked us up at 5:30 for a Wichita Wild game. He and John do the color commentary and Joan and I get to visit. There were quite a few from the "Maize South gang" there, we had a really good time. If you haven't gone to a game at Hartman Arena, you really should consider going. It is a great setup, and they really do cater to the kids in the audience.
We continue to receive cards and e-mail daily and they really are helpful. They do make a difference in our days. There is nothing that anyone can do for us but....the correspondance DOES make an impact! ( I do however thank Fred Royse for changing the oil and sharpening the blades on my lawn mower)
Blessings to all....

Wednesday April 7th

Dave went to work today, but not to track practice. It was really windy and cool, plus he was feeling a bit of nausea so....Nurse Ratchett grounded him!
His sister and brother-in-law (Dave and Diane) and Dave's mom came over this evening and brought dinner. We had a really nice visit. Cayte and Matt had also brought over food from Olive Garden...so we had lots of good things to eat. Dave did eat some soup and a bread stick......he was really tired when they left but was glad to see them.
Blazek's came by this evening too....they have been good to check on us.
We get thru these difficult and sometime scary days because of the strength that others give us.
Dave goes in for another chemo treatment tomorrow, and those are really long days for us. He is resting well tonight and I hope all will go well tomorrow.
Blessings to all .....

Tuesday April 6th

Dave continues to go to school, but I honestly don't know where he gets the strength. He is absolutely wiped out when he gets home.....all he does is sleep. I am not sure how much longer he can continue....getting up at 5:00 in the morning is starting to wear on me too. The kids just mean so much to him....I hope they know how much he cares about each of them.
His appetite is dwindling, I can hardly get him to eat. He is not nauseous, he is just not hungry. I fix him a very fattening protein milkshake every day for lunch, so I know he is getting at least some nutrients. Chris and I have noticed him getting visably weaker and today his color was not very good. His feet and ankles are still swollen. Cayte got him TED knee length stockings from the hospital, but they have not really made much difference.
As usual he does not complain. We notice him forgetting and not processing conversations as he once did. His speech has gotten slower...at times he is a bit snappy with us. I just cannot imagine what goes thru his mind......we just go on loving him and giving thanks for each and every day! Chris brings his dog over each day and she stays with us when he goes to work..Morgan will not leave Dave's side. As I write this she is snuggled up in bed with Dave, and I guarentee she will not be happy to go home!
As I have often said..thank you so much for your support.....
Blessings to all....

Saturday April 3rd

This was another great day! Curt's parents and his sister came over, we also got to meet Mary and her daughter...what a fun Saturday! Heather took some great pictures of the guys and I had one of them enlarged and framed for us all....priceless memories!
I hope everyone has a great Easter.....blessings to all....

Friday April 2nd

What a wonderful day! The temperature was just right and no wind to speak of....Gary and Heather got here from Olathe at around 11:30 and Curt came shortly there after. We had a great visit and since the weather was so great we gathered on our deck and had lunch (Jackie Foltz made us some of her fantastic "Bierocks") Thanks Jackie!!
We are looking forward to seeing Gary and Heather, Curt's parents, sister, and girlfriend tomorrow. It would be nice to have the same kind of weather, but being Kansas I am not holding my breath.We are just grateful for today....
Hope all of you enjoy this Easter weekend! Blessings to all......

Thursday April 1st

Our internet has been down for a couple of days! We switched to ATT and when Cox came out to disconnect I think they did something......So I may be off line intermittently...it may take a while for ATT to get out and fix our problem....because I need to be home...and that has not been possible lately...
We have been at the Cancer Center since before noon, and it is 5:00 now. Probably won't be home until after 6:00. These chemo days are marathon days!! The latest scan report showed that the cancer has gotten no better but no worse, so we are beginning our next round of chemo treatments. He is also going to begin the radiation on his brain in the next couple of weeks also.
Curt, Mary, and Jenna are due to arrive at Mid-Continant this evening and we look forward to seeing them and Gary and Heather this weekend. It should be a fun reunion for the guys!
Blessings to all...enjoy the weekend!

Monday March 28th

Dave went to work again today, rested and then went to track practice. He was tired this evening but it was so worth it for him.
I called the Oncologist about Dave's UTI and they are not sure that he has had one. The antibiotics should have taken care of the symptoms and that is not the case. Since we do not have the scan report yet we may have to wait until Thursday. I have contacted our family dr. just in case we need a referral to a urologist. Sometimes blood counts from chemo can cause symptoms that appear to be a urinary tract infection, but nothing is abnormal enough to account for this either. He is not running a fever or feeling bad so I suppose we can wait until Thursday. The Cancer Center will run blood work and we will have all of the information from last week's scans....that should be enough to make a proper assessment. The symptoms that I see all point to Kidney involvement, but so far no one has asked me......guess we will get all of the information that we need on Thursday.
As always we appreciate all of your support and the random acts of kindness that come our way when we need it the most!
Blessings to all.....

Saturday March 27th

Janice and Tim Zerger (Dave's sister and brother-in-law) and Scott, our nephew came from Olathe today to visit. It was really great to see them...I really lucked out on the in-laws......just wish that we lived closer....
Dave was worn out..he slept most of the day and all night. I think going to work all day Friday really did him in....but he is ready to go back Monday for more.....
His feet and ankles are still really swollen....I will call the oncologist tomorrow and ask his opinion...we go in Thursday for our regular appointment.....he is still on antibiotic and no fever....so maybe it can wait???
Hope everyone had a great weekend and enjoyed the beautiful weather....Blessings to all...

Friday March 26th

Today was another good day. Dave went to school and I picked him up at about 3:30. He was really tired when he got home, but it was a good kind of tired. He really misses the kids and the staff at MSMS! He can rest up this weekend, thank goodness we have nothing on the agenda (except the K-state game).
I did yard work today so that we could just relax all day Saturday....it was windy but my yard is starting to look good.....it makes me hopeful that Spring really is around the corner.
Blessings to all....

Thursday March 25th

What a beautiful day.....loved the sunshine and mild temps!!
We had scans today, which will tell us if the chemo is being successful. Our consult with the oncologist will be next Thursday, so we are of course hoping for the best!
Todd Carter (our pastor) came over this afternoon, it is always good to visit with him, he is a source of strength and encouragement to us both. Todd is amazed at the numbers of people on Facebook, and the support from friends and family, Dave and I are very lucky........
Watched the K-State game tonight with Chris and Bailie...WOW...what an exciting game it was....Bailie is our K-Stater, Dave and I like to see the Kansas teams do well....Go Cats!
Hope everyone enjoys Friday....it should be another great day! Thanks again for all of the support....Blessings to all!

Wednesday March 24

We have loved the warm weather the last couple of days...sure wish it would stick around. Sunshine makes everything seem better!
Dave went to work yesterday and today. He is truly amazing....he then comes home and rests so that he can go to track practice. If the truth were told I think he gets tired of me!!! He needs the normalcy that being at school brings and I know that he misses everyone ...I am glad that he has been able to get back if only for a short term basis....Of course I never underestimate Dave's determination....Guess time will tell.....
He has developed a urinary tract infection which is making him uncomfortable. I am concerned too because his legs and ankles have begun to swell. Hopefully the antibiotic for the UTI will kick in soon. The swelling is another issue, we will address it at our next drs. appt. I sit at night and rotate his legs and ankles so that hopefully the muscles will not completely atrophy. He has no usage of his left leg and his right is not always reliable so we are very careful when we have to move anywhere.
We have a doctor's appt. at West Wichita tomorrow for blood work and body scan. The scan will determine how effective the chemo and the radiation have been. We have a consult with our oncologist on April 1st. He will go thru the scan report and we will discuss what our next course of action will be....this will be a very important appointment .....
Jack Thomas called this morning and is bringing us a pizza for dinner...we love the pizza from out there in Cheney.....sunshine or not...it is a good day!
Blessings to all......

Saturday March 20th

Today is Chris's birthday....Happy Birthday Chris....34 years old.....we hope that he had a good day...
We went to he Wichita Wild indoor football game tonight. John did the commentary and Dave helped feed him information ..it was really fun. We met Ernie and Jeannie and Chris and Bailie there. I had never been to Hartman Arena..it was a great place..
Dave came home and went to sleep, but it was cartainly worth it.....
Blessings to all...pray for Spring....

Thursday March 18th

We had chemo today and then Dave slept most of the rest of the day. His mom and aunt came over and went with us. They brought BBQ, potato salad, and 2 pies. What a help..I didn't have to try to come up with something for dinner.
While Dave slept, I worked in the yard. It was a beautiful day and being outside is such good therapy for me! Really wish it would stay nice. Chris and Bailey went to the KU game so Morgan (my granddog) played outside while I mowed.
We are watching the basketball games this evening, we both love March Madness. Our brackets are filled out and so far I am a couple of games ahead of Dave....that does not happen very often!
Blessings to all.....

Wednesday March 17th

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all of you....Happy Birthday to Pam Frazee today and to Bryce Guinn yesterday!!!!!
Patty Ruzich came over this morning and took Dave over to see Paul McGinty, who is the agony of defeat poster boy for skiing the slopes.....they met Schreiners there too. Dave and Patty said that they had fun...it was a good visit.
I went shopping for awhile....it was good to get out.....didn't buy any shoes but it was a good outing none the less......
We do chemo again tomorrow, and then scans next week. Dave continues to be such an inspiration to me. He faces every day with a positive attitude.....
Blessings to all....

Tuesday March 26th

John and Dave went out for a "Charlie's" burger today. It wiped Dave out, because he slept most of the rest of the day...but it WAS worth it. I had lunch with Susan Thoman..I loved catching up on news and just spending time with her. I miss my "teacher friends" especially when it comes to the girl talk!
Dave got an e-mail that Curt is coming back to Kansas on April 1st for a visit. It will be great to see him and to meet Mary......I would be nice to get Gary Turner down here too for a real get together.....
Blessings to all.....

Monday March 15th

We started the week off on a busy note. Dave had radiation first thing this morning and this afternoon we went to get our taxes prepared. Thought since I retired this year that maybe we should go to someone that really knows the "rules".
He is really tired tonight so I have the TV off and am enjoying the quiet while he sleeps. I never thought I would enjoy the sound of his snoring, but tonight the sound brings a comfort to the house and to me.........
Dave has chemo again on Thursday, but other than that no drs. appointments...YEA.....
He and John are going for their weekly burger adventure tomorrow and I am having lunch with two of my girlfriends.....looking forward to seeing them!!
Blessings to all......

Sunday March 14th

Dave and John did have a great time last night! It was good for Dave to be out and about...a little time away from me (Nurse Ratchet). John and Joan have been so good to us, and we both appreciate the friendship!
Marylin, thank you for your wise and encouraging words...I know that you have been thru the storm with Jenny, but she is proof that there is sunshine ahead for us all!
Blessings to all.....

Friday March 12th

We have had a very long week and we are both really tapped out tonight. We have had drs. appointments 4 out of the 5 days this week and they were 3 to 4 hours each time. It takes a toll on both of us physically as well as emotionally. We've been in our pj's since 6:00 tip off of the KU game....
Dave is going to go with John tomorrow night to help with the color commentary of the Wichita Wild football game. He is going to need his rest if he is to have the stamina for it...so I would like to request (lovingly) that you postpone visits tomorrow.....Dave gets really worn out... He has been looking forward to doing this with John and I would like him to be rested so that he can have a really great time! Thank you so much for being understanding.....
Once again today I was overwhelmed by the kindness of others.....we took our car out to Lubbers because we could not get the key out of the ignition...and today when Doug called to tell me it was ready he said that some "Pettay fans" had insisted on paying the bill for us....I know that Keith McMahan, Jack Thomas, and Doug Meyer had alot to do with this, but to the entire staff of Lubbers thank you so much. I can't begin to tell you how overwhelmed we were...
Blessings to all....I wish I could find the words to express the strength that you have given us through your friendship and your random acts of kindness!

Thursday March 11th

Today was a long day. We had chemo today, left the house at about 10:00 and got home at about 3:00. The time went a bit faster today since we had the KU game to watch...
Dave, Chris, and John went to the Wichita Wild Indoor Football practice tonight. Mike McCoy, the GM, was Dave's cooperating teacher in Haven years ago. It was fun for them to "reconnect". Dave is going to help John with the commentary at Saturday night's game.

Keep the Marasco family in your prayers during this time of sadness...
Blessings to all......

Wednesday March 10th

Dave had Cyber Knife radiation today. It is about a 3 hour process. So far no difference in motor abilities, but also very little pain....We drove there in a new Mustang we were looking good !!......our Fusion is being serviced and they gave me something to drive.....wow....sure is fun.....thank you Doug take your time with our Fusion!!!
Lee and Kip brought us Abuelos tonight for supper....YUMMY..we watched basketball...Jayden and I made rice crispy treats with cocoa crispies. He likes to bake cookies with me when he comes over.....and I just enjoy him.....
John B. dropped in for a while....he has been so good to us both....very supportive....
What great friends we have.......
Blessings to all.....

Tuesday March 9th

Our hearts are heavy today as we learned of the death of Carol Marasco. She was a beautiful lady.....Our thoughts and prayers go out to her family....
The last time I saw Carol was in Dillons, we had a nice visit about school and our kids. The last thing she said to me was that she loved Dave and I both and that she wished that she could make things better....then she hugged me and kissed my cheek. If you love someone tell them.....Life is a gift that should not be wasted.
Love and blessings to all and especially to Mike, Holly, Matt and Jake whose lives are forever changed.

Monday March 8th

Dave had his first Cyber Knife today, it lasted 3 hours. He fell asleep so I guess it was not too tramatic! He has appointments Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.....wow what a busy week.
Joan and John Blazek took him to a BB game at Koch Arena tonight. Chris and Bailey came over and ate dinner with us and they went too. I stayed home with Morgan (my granddog). It was a good night to stay in.....raining....
He continues to do well after the therapy, just tired. He does not complain.....wish I could do more for him......
Blessings to all.......

Saturday March 6th

Dave went to Cheney this morning with Kip and Leeann to shop for cars. He was really tired when he got home....slept thru the entire KU game, but it was worth it!
This evening we out to eat with Dave and Karen, Cayte and Matt....we went to Shorty Smalls, since that is where Chris works...had fun, but he is sound asleep and snoring as I write this blog....it is GOOD to see him tired for a reason.....We celebrate the fun days!!
Blessings to all.....keep those positive thoughts coming our way!

Friday March 5th

Dave woke up this morning feeling restless and wanted to do something. He called our neighbor, Dave Warn, and they headed out to Dave's storage shed in Goddard, where Dave Warn worked and Dave P....visited. It was good for them both because they have always been "partners in crime" and they both miss those times together. He is really wiped out tonight, but it was so worth it for him to be out and about today!!
Dave has been the one person in my life that I could always turn to for comfort. He has such inner strength and that quality has gotten us thru the obstacles that we have faced the last 25+ years. It is that strength that I continue to see every day as I watch him fighting the cancer and all of the pain and humiliation that the disease imposes on him. Christy Whipple sent me a quote today on facebook that I thought was worth passing on:

"The depths of the mind can fight like an armada unexplained by science".

That is what I witness every day.....may God be loving and kind in His decisions for our future......
Blessings to all.......

Thursday March 4th

Today was a really long day...it was our "chemo day". We left home at about 10:00 and got home at almost 3:30. Not only did we have chemo. but we had labs, and a consult with our dr. as well. I shared my concern that chemo and radiation could possibly cause nausea (and all that goes with it). With Dave not being able to walk, caring for him would be a nightmare for us both. Our Dr. reassured me that he really did not think the chemo was going to have that side effect due to the doses being administered. He feels that we should continue this round (2 more Thursdays) and then reassess after scanning. Those scans will give us definite answers as to whether the chemo is working. We can then decide how to proceed.
Dave was exhausted when he got home and slept most of the afternoon and evening. He will most likely sleep most of the day tomorrow as well.
On a positive note the wheelchair ramp was a real help!! It took at least one of my worries away.
Blessings to all.....lets hope for more beautiful weather this weekend!!!

Wednesday March 3rd

Dave went to the game in Augusta last night to watch Kip's Mavs play basketball. It was a man's night out, he went with our son and John Blazek...I think they all enjoyed the time over and back without "Blondy or Nurse Ratchet"....although I don't know how that could possibly be.........
We went to the Cyber Center this morning and Dave has been fitted with a "bed" that he will lie on for the radiation sessions...we have appointments next Monday and Wednesday. The last radiations did wonders to help his pain level, and hopefully these will add quality and improve his abilities as well.
It is increasingly hard for Dave to get around, and falling has been a big worry. I called Edd LaPlant yesterday to see if he had the time to build a ramp in the garage.( Edd put the stone on our house this summer, we got to know him and we really enjoyed the time that he spent here with us.) Edd was in our driveway this morning when we got home from the Cyber Center with his partner Pari Ungles. They put their other jobs aside and by 11:30 we had a ramp! What makes this so noteworthy is that neither of them would accept any money for doing this for us. It made me cry....we have had so many wonderful people helping us thru these days..A ramp may seem like a small thing, but I can hardly get Dave down the 2 steps of our house to get him to our car. This act of kindness will enable him to go with me when I run errands....he won't be so home bound, and I won't be afraid of dropping him! I don't know how to thank these men enough...but ...if you need some remodeling, tile, cement, building of any kind done....call me and I will give you their numbers. They are good at what they do, and as you can tell they are good people!!
We go in for labs, chemo and dr. consult tomorrow. It will be a long day. Our days are becoming increasingly more difficult. Dave and I pull from our faith and we have always found a great deal of strength in one another. Cancer will consume everything in your life if you let it....but we try each day to do something "cancer free"......We watch a movie, or play cards, sometimes just sit on our deck and hold hands....these are valuable moments for us.....so sometimes we find it necessary to take our phone off the hook......our time together is that important. It does not mean that we are unappreciative of your calls, but there are times when we just don't want to talk about cancer....that is why I blog.
All of you are blessings in our lives, we are dealing with alot right now, we need your friendship, but sometimes we need our privacy as well. I hope that you will understand this...

Monday March 1st

We had an appointment with our radiologist this morning. Although the last series of radiations did some good with respect to Dave's pain, we are going to step things up a bit by using cyberknife radiation in hopes of shrinking the cancer even more and hopefully making it possible for Dave to walk again. The dr. is making no promises, but this is the best shot we have at making things better. The dr. also went over the scan reports with us. The MRI of the brain shows involvement in several areas and of course the spine shows the most involvement which we knew. I know that it is hard for Dave to hear these facts, but he continues to stay positive.

Maize South began their track practices today and Dave was determined to be there. Our neighbor has loaned us a wheel chair which we packed in the car and he was able to go ...it was good for him to be with the kids and his fellow coaches! Hopefully he will make more of the practices now that he has the wheels to do so.

Our neighbor (Dave Warn) also brought over a scooter which really has some get up and GO....we are blessed to have Dave and Karen as our friends and our neighbors, they have been such a source of strength and understanding thru all of this....

John Blazek, our son Chris, and Dave are heading to the MSHS game tomorrow night...GO MAVS....so Dave is resting up tonight. We are both really tired. The phone is off the hook and we are getting some well deserved rest. The reality and the stress of these drs. appointments take a toll on us both.

Blessings to all and know that we appreciate all of your prayers...and your support....

Sunday February 28th

We did some yard work with our neighbors, Dave and Karen Warn this weekend. Dave got on the riding lawnmower so he was able to get around and oversee the job. It was great to be outside in the fresh air and sunshine.
It is difficult for Dave to get around, his left leg is numb, and although he uses a walker, he has fallen (hard) several times. It is just luck that he didn't hit his head or hurt himself...he continues to lose weight and that makes him more frail too. He still does not complain, but I know that he wishes he could get around more. It helps him that friends fill our house daily.
We have a consult with the Dr. who did Dave's radiation tomorrow, and we see Dr. Reddy, our Oncologist on Thursday, he will receive chemo as well.
Keep him in your prayers. The pain is for the most part under control and his nausea is under control as well. For me, that is a blessing.....and as long as he is comfortable....my prayers are answered.
Blessings to all who continue to support us through this journey.

Thursday February 25th

Dave was really restless this morning so we went over to Cayte's house. He gets a kick out of their puppies.....the lab (Boomer) still thinks that he is a lap dog and spent most of his time in Dave's lap....
The track coaches had their meeting at our house this afternoon...I know that it was good for Dave to think about school and the kids....It says alot about his fellow coaches that they were more than willing to come over here.
Blessings to all....

Wednesday February 24

Dave received his last radiation on the lumbar part of his spine. They are to begin treatments on another part of the spine (soon)....hopefully I will find out tomorrow what the plan is to be....He has done well with these treatments, his pain is less, and he walks better, however still uses a walker.
It will be nice when the weather cooperates and we can get outside. We are both going crazy being inside.....
Blessings to all.....

Tuesday February 23

We are glad to be home...Dave went in for another round of radiation this morning. It takes longer to get there than it does to get the treatment. He is using the walker to get around...he is standing up straighter, but is still very frail. He has not been able to get up and walk around without pain for so long that his muscles are really weak. I have been encouraging him to get up and walk around the kitchen table during commercials...(Nurse Ratchet)....
Our internet has been down..I bought another modem this afternoon and everything seems to be in good working order again. Didn't realize how addicted I was to it until it was not working.....
Blessings to all...what great friends and family we have.....

Monday February 22

We have had a fairly comfortable weekend....we are going home today! There was alot of company in and out all weekend...it was so good to see all of the friends and family.....
My internet has been down at home so I have not posted in a couple of days......

Friday February 19th

Dave is resting well today in the hospital, but was very disappointed to have missed the Maize South High School game tonight. They had a jersey made for him in his honor and were looking forward to him being by the bench as a coach. Although health issues prevented that from happening Dave is humbled by the respect and honor that you young men showed him by your intentions tonight!
Coaching and athletics have been important to Dave his entire life. He is competitive and likes to win.....he is now competing against the most formidable opponant ever. I am in awe of the fact that he has never given up...his ability to face each and every setback is amazing. When scores are posted and the game of life is judged, my husband will have set the bar at a level that most of us can only aspire to match.

Thursday February 18th

This was a really productive day! Dave received his 3rd chemo treatment, his mother and his Aunt Ilene came over from Hutchinson and went with us. It was good to have their company. I was able to visit with our Oncologist and it proved to be very beneficial! He admitted Dave to the hospital right after his chemo treatment in order to control the pain and get Dave some relief and rest. They did an MRI of his body to accurately assess the extent and location of the cancer. The plan is to give him 8 to 10 rounds of radiation in the area of the spine that is aggravating the sciatic. The first couple of treatments will be given here at the hospital and the rest can be given on an outpatient basis. We also got word today that the insurance company authorized the pain catheter. Dave will go to the Pain Center next Wednesday and they will give him the IV meds that are to be delivered in the catheter to make sure he can tolerate them well, the catheter will be implanted on March 3rd.
Today has given me some peace of mind. Hopefully these additions will give Dave quality days to go places and really enjoy himself.
Blessings to all...your prayers helped make these things happen....

Wednesday February 17th

We had a fairly productive day today at the Pain Center. Once again his meds have been changed a bit, but at least today someone actually listened actively to what we (I) had to say. They gave him a shot of morphine directly into the sciatic and they are suggesting that a catheter be placed directly into his back which delivers meds and offers steady pain control. Our insurance company has to approve it...I fully expect another battle. Part of my frustration lately is that I am having a hard time getting meds refilled because we have been "passed around." Each time we see someone else a med is changed or increased....I am not shocked that the insurance company is questioning every script...we are dealing in highly regulated drugs. IF our ONCOLOGIST had been proactive in treating Dave's pain from the beginning, HIS name would be on all of the prescriptions rather than having 3 to 4 different names...causing understandable questions. He is going to hear from me on this matter. Dave and I are handling the "cancer"... we have found strength in one another and unbelievable support from all of you.What I cannot deal with is watching him in pain and knowing that with proper meds it could be so much better.....I have run out of patience and find myself going into situations on the defensive...I just should not be this hard.....
This has been such a learning experience...some good and some bad...
Blessings to all of you who read this each day and comment on it as well....

Monday February 15

Dave developed some fluid on his lungs this weekend, so we were in the Cancer Center first thing this morning. He was given an antibiotic and it also gave me an opportunity to visit about Dave's pain face to face. They gave him a new med that is for nerve pain, so hopefully he will begin to feel relief in the next day or so. We are however keeping our appointment at the Pain Center.....
They also went thru Dave's last scan report with us, which should have been done as soon as the results were in last week. The scans show new cancer in the brain, lungs and the liver. We will have another brain scan tomorrow morning to get a better view of the compromised area. Dave will continue to receive chemo and using these scans as a baseline we will hope for improvement.
Dave is still processing all of this new information...it has been an eventful day.
Blessings to all.....

Saturday February 13th

I am not sure what I can say in this blog tonight that is any different than before. We continue to chase the pain, and hope that with the dawn of a new day Dave will be pain free. I did talk with a pharmacist from Home Health Care and he gave me a suggestion for relief using some of the meds that Hospice left with me. The suggestion did work and Dave actually slept for almost 5 hours. This morning he seemed stronger, I am sure due to the fact that he had slept. He soaked in a hot bath this morning which he said felt great....and was even able to lie on the sofa....after sleeping in a lounge chair for almost 3 weeks that was a delight for him!
Getting care and/or comfort for someone just should not be this hard. Monday I will begin again to make demands of the oncologist....
Blessings to all of the friends and family that read this and send the positive thoughts our way!!

Friday February 12th

Oh my where to begin...chemo seemed to go well this time, I hope today does not throw us any unexpected surprises. We have however been up all night again due to pain issues. This is absolutely unacceptable to me...I will be on the phone today until someone really listens (thanks Laura for the push)....I am not sure how much clearer I can describe the pain level. We were at the Cancer Center yesterday, and when a patient cannot walk due to pain and has to be in a wheelchair......
We will see what today brings......keep Dave in your prayers...he so needs to feel comfort!

Wednesday February 10

Dave does not feel that the pain pump is doing much good, but outwardly his color is really good today and his mobility although still not great seems stronger today. We have an appointment with the Pain Clinic on Wednesday of next week. Home Health will take care of us thru this week. I find myself today making sure we have referrals.....counting pills to make sure when and if I need to have them refilled....Dave calls me Nurse Ratchett, and I am beginning to feel the part.
We go in for chemo#2 tomorrow, hopefully it will go as well as the first.
I did take time for myself today...Chris's girlfriend Bailie teaches 1st grade at an inner city school and I went out to her room and read to the class. We did a "friendship hug" art project too and for a little while I forgot about everything except those beautiful children.....I miss the energy and the affection that the classroom gives to all who enter!! Thanks Bailie for inviting me to share your day and your kids....

Tuesday February 9th

After jumping thru hoops, Dave is now on a pain pump and is receiving Toradol on a regular basis. It has been quite a long day. Rather than going to the Pain Clinic, our family doc sent out Home Health Care to access the pump directly to Dave's port. That was really better for Dave, because he is hardly able to get around and any trip in the car is very uncomfortable for him. Our insurance is "pending"...hope I don't have to jump those hoops too....So far he says that he does not feel any better, but his pain was so out of control that it may take a while to get things to calm down. I certainly hope this works for him.
Thanks to those who called to say that they could possibly push things along for us....Things are always easier to deal with when you know that you have determined people on your team!!
Blessings to all....

Monday January 8th

What a beautiful snow....thanks Sonny?? or whoever it was that cleaned our driveway. When John and Joan got here this AM is was finished.....what fantastic friends we have....
I want to West Wichita today to pick up a prescription and talked with our doc.....he is trying his best to get Dave into the Pain Management Center ASAP.....if anyone can pull strings for us...start pulling! This not being able to get around is really starting to get old fast.....
Blessing to all....thanks for the thoughts and prayers......

Sunday January 7th

Once again Dave's most frustrating worry is his sciatic...he is still nausea free and pain free in his spine. He feels as though he is a prisoner in his own house because he is not able to go anywhere comfortably. He and I went for a road trip to Cheney yesterday just to get him out of the house. We drove around town ...there are alot of great memories....it is where we met....it is still where we have many great friends.
We had Warns and Schultz's over for the Super Bowl...that was fun, but still it is sad that Dave is not able to get up and move around. I am hoping that we will hear the first of the week as to how soon when we can get into the Pain Management Center.
Blessings to all......

Friday February 5th

Thanks to Jessica and Mark Pennington for the wonderful quilt! It was good to see you both..."First Family" has been good to support us thru this!
This has been a tough day for both of us. The day started fairly well but the pain has increased as the day has progressed. I had to use a computer chair on wheels to get him from the restroom back to the family room today. His legs will just not support him. I think I will start sleeping on the couch so that he does get stuck somewhere in the middle of the night...He has been sleeping in a lounge chair for the past week, because that is the only place that he can find a "comfort zone".
Pray that the pain stops......
Blessings to all...

Thursday February 4th

Dave received his first round of Chemo today and as of tonight he does not feel the effects of it one way or another...hopefully that does not change with time. He is still in a great deal of pain from his sciatic nerve. He has been sleeping in the recliner because he can find a somewhat comfortable position. I visited with our dr. today and he increased the pain meds and has called for a referral to a pain clinic here in town. The Cancer Center does start pain pumps, but he is not at all against getting one for Dave. It is so very frustrating for both of us and I can hardly stand seeing him suffer like this! He had even talked about going back to work part time...he was feeling that good......
Blessings to all.....thanks for your support......

Wednesday February 3rd

Pain management has been first and foremost in my mind for the past several days and it is just not happening. I got up in the middle of the night and e-mailed my Dr. to let him know that Dave needed to be pre medicated before the scan today...they did medicate, gladly ,but the pain is so out of hand that it did not really help much. I am going to push for a pain pump tomorrow...Dave is convinced that it is "just his sciatic nerve", and it may very well may be just that .............but he needs some relief and so do I.

Tuesday February 2nd

Tomorrow we go in for Dave's scan. I dread it for him because he is barely able to get around. It is going to be very uncomfortable for him without pre medicating....I hope that this is a very temporary set back for him. He is eating well and other than the sciatic nerve area, he is relatively pain free. Maybe this scan will give us more information.
Blessings to all, thanks (again) for the cards, e-mails, and comments here on my blog......

Monday February 1st

Took Dave in today for the blood work needed prior to his chemo.
We "dismissed" Hospice this morning...that was a let down for me because they took alot of stress out of my care taking......
As far as nausea and pain, it is under control. He is however battling his sciatic nerve. I gave him a muscle relaxer today (after calling dr.) and it didn't do much good so I guess that means it is bone or nerve....hopefully it will work it's way out soon because he can hardly walk.
Chris and Cayte came over today with their dogs to visit....Dave really got a kick out of that....
It is midnight now and I am just now sitting down to pay bills...UGH...there are just not enough hours in a day sometimes.....
Blessings to all......

Sunday January 31st

What a wonderful weekend this turned out to be! We had a houseful for the KU/K-State game on Saturday night .....lots of good food and great friends......Sunday brought friends as well..it was so good to see Keith and Judy....Gary and Heather from Olathe stopped in on their way back from Oklahoma. Gary and Dave were roommates at Emporia State, and I really think if it had not been for Gary and Heather, Dave might not have ever asked me out for the first time...Dave was really shy back then.....
Dave has really been hobbling around today..his sciatic seems to be acting up....poor guy...if it is not one thing it is another.....
We go in for blood tests tomorrow and then a body scan on Wednesday, this is in prep for his treatment that begins on Thursday. Hopefully the side effects will not be too bad, I can't help but think that after what he went thru before with the Interleukin, (maybe) this will be a bit easier to tolerate. Beth from Hospice will be here in the morning to take off his pain pump. We will replace that med with Ibuprofin....I will be sad to see her leave....Hospice has been such a source of strength and support to Dave and to me as well.
Thanks to all who continue to follow this blog......Some of you who pray are friends of friends...from miles away, ........you lift us up with your kindness.....
Blessings to all...have a great week.......

Friday January 29th

We went to the Oncologist here in Wichita. He was very straight forward with us on the results of the scans. Dave's cancer has progressed and there is liver compromise in the form of lesions. He also has a 1 cm. nodule on an adrenal gland. Although that is not what we wanted to hear, it was the truth and it was presented to us in a very compassionate way, his honesty put our minds at ease.
He did suggest a form of chemo that has had some good results. Dave is willing to try and is entering into it with a very positive frame of mind. He will receive 3 weeks of treatment and then have 1 week "off". He will be closely monitored for positive results. If he does not respond and is only "maintaining" he will have the option of continuing or not.....At the moment he feels very good...very little pain, no nausea, and we are able to go places and enjoy our friends. We have Hospice to thank for that, however we will have to give them up as of Monday in order to pursue this path. Dr. Reddy is pleased with the drug protocol and does not want us to change anything unless we feel that it is no longer effective. We both feel very good about this.....we continue to find strength in the relationship that we have with one another.
Blessings to all!!

Thursday January 28th

Beth, our Hospice nurse, came by this morning and "reloaded" Dave's pain pump. They have worked miracles....I am determined to "pay forward" the kindness that they have given to us!
I want to thank all of you for the support, phone calls and e - mails....they are the answers to the "what can I do"....
Some of you have been concerned enough to suggest web sites...don't please. Some of them, although fairly accurate are very blunt and certainly offer no comfort at all. I am not sure that you would have suggested them had you first read them for yourselves. It leaves me with the task of watching Dave's heart in his throat and that makes me very angry .......
His cancer came back in the spine, it skipped the soft tissues and organs initially, so it does not follow the "typical" tumor malignancy that can be easily measured.....I am not going thru this with blinders or uninformed. I have a wonderful doctor that goes thru every report, sentence by sentence, until I understand, and we have Curt Pickert, our friend and a very informed doctor who has been with us since this was first diagnosed.
My purpose in "blogging" has been to inform accurately Dave's journey, and blogging also helps me put things in perspective each day. I read the messages and we have both appreciated the strength that friends and family have given us. Please respect our wish to gain information on our own.

Wednesday January 27th

This morning when I woke up and went into the kitchen, Dave was sitting at the table eating his cereal and reading the paper. He had started my coffee and the kitchen smelled warm and cozy....for just a moment it was as if life was normal...I hope that the options that Dr. Reddy has for us can offer more of those moments....

Tuesday January 26th

Today was another day without much pain.....the pump has been good for Dave. He is eating better too. I called Dr. Reddy's office this morning and we have an appointment on Friday at 12:45. We are considering this a consultation. Dave wants him to go over the test results from his last scans in detail, and we both want to hear options.
Beth our Hospice nurse comes tomorrow, it gives me so much peace of mind to have someone checking on him, and they have been wonderful to us both. They have been a real source of strength .
Blessings to all....

Monday January 25th

This was another good day for both of us! Our nurse came this morning and tweaked Dave's meds a bit, nothing major... she hooked a pain pump to his port and for the first time in 5 months Dave says that he is nearly pain free. That makes me so happy....He has eaten well today and no nausea.....
Our KC Oncologist called us tonight and after careful consideration Dave has decided that he has had enough of the Interleukin. He was able to withstand 24 treatments in all and I can't begin to share with you the strength that it took for him to do so. He has shown such courage. My love and respect for him has grown with each passing day. Dr. Reddy, our Oncologist here in Wichita contacted us this weekend and asked that we consider other options. I am going to contact his office first thing in the morning for a consult to see what he has to offer in the way of treatments. We are seeking honest answers......
Once again thank you for your constant support and prayers....blessings to all!!

Sunday January 24th

Today was a good day..pain and nausea is under control.....thank goodness. The nurses will be out tomorrow to check on him..it is always good to see them walking in the door.
We are supposed to hear from Doolittle tomorrow...that will determine where we go from here. Dave is not giving up nor am I...so tomorrow will hopefully bring answers. I will feel a terrible let down when Hospice leaves us (they cannot be involved as long as we are undergoing treatments) Their involvement has taken so much stress off of me....
I did practice giving injections today. The oranges in my kitchen are now abundantly full of saline solution. Cayte said that I did well.....I can definately save fruit in a crisis situation!

Saturday January 23

This has been a day of ups and downs. Dave's nausea and bone pain is under control, but he has been in a great deal of pain from the pic line that was in his arm. I did all that I could do here at home but had to call the Hospice nurse twice. She came out and gave him an injection both times and that helped ease the pain somewhat. I have now had a couple of lessons in giving an injection, Cayte is going to come over tomorrow and I am going to practice so that I can give Dave injections myself.
Hospice has been such a great help to Dave and to me as well.....their support makes every day seem better......blessings to all.....

Friday January 21st

The meds continue to keep Dave's nausea under control and he is eating "better"...that is of course relative to Dave...... Hospice added some meds today and we now use a "big gun" in the morning and at night. The meds for the most part are keeping him comfortable, and for that I am so very grateful!
We are able to go to the Maize South game last night...you did have moments of greatness boys....!!!
The nurse from our KC doc did call us back Friday afternoon. I guess the 3rd call is always a charm......Doc is out of town...we are to call back first thing Monday AM....they share our concern...hummmmmm
Blessings to all of you.....enjoy your weekend!!!

Thursday January 21st

Dave's new meds continue to keep the nausea under control. He was able to go to a basketball game with John Blazek and Chris (our son) in Valley Center this afternoon .....GO MAVS...congratulations on your win!
We turned off the phones this evening so that we could both enjoy the peace and quiet and watch a movie! I hope he continues to be able to do some fun things.....
I am still waiting to hear from our Doc in KC....hummmm
Our Oncologist in Wichita called Dave personally this evening and told him that he would like to see us, there are still some optons available to us IF the Interleukin is not any longer an option.
We will continue with Home Health and Hospice until this is all decided upon. Their presence in our lives has been such a help and support to me.....They are certaily willing to "move in and out of our lives" as treatments are tried....... Blessings to all!!

Wednesday January 20th

This has been such a good day. The new meds have given him some real relief...hope it continues! We ran errands this afternoon and this evening we went out for a bite to eat.
Kip, Isaah and Brandon brought over a basketball that the team signed as well as a football that had been signed. They came over after practice along with the team!! Hopefully he will continue to feel well because he really wants to go to Valley Center tomorrow and watch them play. Dave deserves better days than what he has had...I am so thankful for the support that hospice has given us!

Wednesday January 20th

Yesterday was a very productive day. I made an appointment with our family doc, and he was very helpful and as usual VERY supportive. I left his office at 11:30 and by 1:00 home health care was calling saying that and they had contacted Harry Hynes Hospice. I now have new and wonderfully strong people on my team to help us through this!! Hospice came out first and they changed some of his meds...we will give it 24 hours or so to see if they make a positive difference in his nausea and pain, if not we may look into the pain pump....Home Health Care will come out today to appraise the situation. I feel so much comfort in all of this! Should Dave return to KC for more treatments, hospice will bow out of the mix, they are there for us whenever he is no longer undergoing treatments.
When we left KU Med this time, although I feel all of Dave's physical needs were met, we both felt as though we were kicked to the curb because we never were able to see our own Oncologist. The weight of that was very oppressive to me....I am to call his Kansas City office today...but those thoughts I will keep to myself.....
Once again the kindness of others and the strength from friends, have made such an impact on both of us. I don't know how anyone could go through all of this alone. To my "California doc" you are such a strength to me ....Blessings to all......

Friday January 15th

Wow it is good to be home!! Thanks to everyone who made this birthday so special....Not a day goes by but that I don't thank my lucky stars for friends like you!! Denny, Dave was so glad to read your message. He would love to hear from you and Dave...I am sure your memories are right on target...haha.....to all of the guys (and Joyce and Dina)....it was really great to see you tonight. This has been a really hard week for us, and I was feeling pretty weepy tonight...but you lifted my spirits and made Dave some good birthday memories. Gage and Mav...we loved the "welcome home sign"...Lee as usual...you were so very thoughtful...the balloons and cookies were great. Chris...Dave liked the ice cream cake....thanks.....
We will take each day one step at a time and hopefully Dave's strength will return. It is up to him as to whether he takes more treatments, we will consult with Dr. on it Wednesday....
Blessings to all.....

Thursday January 14th

Dave and I are going home tomorrow. It is his birthday....so glad we will be home!!! He is better but they agree with me that he is not strong enough to withstand another treatment course right now. I will get in touch with Dr. Doolittle next Wednesday and we will review the situation. Hopefully with the nausea under control he will start eating and gaining weight.
I turned my phone off this AM and will probably do the same this evening. I am very tired......
Thanks for all of your support....Genelle, yes we did get your message...thanks it was good to hear from you....Denny, Dave remembers you two as being two of the "best"...hummmm ??? Patty, way to go on the lights!! We are anxious to see you and the new car...Sheri....sure miss Mark and Rita!!!
Love and blessings to all!!!

Wednesday January 13th

Today was a bit better for Dave. He is on a liquid diet (YUMMY) and they give him Zofran IV before he eats...it is for nausea. They are going to consider giving him something IV tomorrow to boost his appetite. He has kept everything down today. He and Chris walked a lap this afternoon and he and I walked 2 laps between the WSU and KU bbgame.
Dave and I talked last night and today. He too has reservations about the Interleukin treatments at this point. He is weak from weight loss and loss of appetite, It is certainly not that we are giving up, but the side effects are severe and in the past have put his heart under so much stress that we have to weigh the benefits against the risks...the doctors are going to take our concerns into consideration as they decide what course of action to take. If I don't get answers tomorrow, I will call Dr. Doolittle's office myself and request a consult. I am growing very tired of living in a holding pattern. Maybe tomorrow your prayers had better be for the doctors!
Blessings to all...your support is as always....so very appreciated.

Tuesday January 12th

Happy Birthday to my wonderful son in law Matt. We love you and wish that we could be with you to do a bit of celebrating!!

This has been a hard day for both of us. Dave is still not keeping anything down for any length of time. The pain meds are causing his intestinal tract to slow way down so they have given him two "treatments" for that this evening. It has helped some but the pain and cramping has been awful. He is very weak.....I have serious reservations about the next interleukin treatments. I had the nurse leave a note for Dr. Doolittle to stop by tomorrow. I have respect for the knowledge that these doctors have and in their ability to diagnose and heal. But I have lived with Dave for over 25 years and I know his body...I am very worried. Hopefully he will rally tomorrow.....it could be a very long night.....keep him in your prayers......blessings to all!

Monday January 11th

OH MY...it has been a very long and tiring day. I called KU Med first thing this morning and they said that they had a bed in ICU at noon. After arriving and
visiting with doctors it was decided that Dave is not strong enough at this point to undergo treatments, so they have moved us to Oncology and will try giving him fluids..he will be evaluated again tomorrow and Wednesday.
He has been unable to keep food down since Thursday....it has been difficult too keeping fluids down for the past 24 hours. He is certainly dehydrated and very weak, hopefully this will be what he needs to turn the corner and begin to feel stronger. His weight (134) is of great concern to me, I am anxious to visit with Dr. Doolittle.
As usual Dave is slow to complain....I know that the past 2 days have not been good ones for him...we continue to find strength in one another and the goodness of friends and our family....thank you so much...blessings to all!!

Sunday January 10th

We are still in Wichita. I called KU Med today and they were not 100% sure that Dave has a bed available to him tomorrow. We are to call at 6 or 7 in the morning and they will let us know, they will hold it for us until we get there. Once again this is a test of patience....we are packed and ready to go.....

Saturday January 9th

It is almost noon and we are still waiting to hear when we are to check in KU Med. We got the blood draws yesterday and they were faxed to the Cancer Center in Kansas City. The nurse there that coordinates all of this is waiting to hear when a "bed will open up". We are down for 9:00 Monday AM, but that is not been verified......
All of the numbers looked good for Dave, but he is very tired and has not eaten since Thursday. Once again everything that goes in comes out in a hurry. I am doing all that I can to keep him hydrated, but not having much luck with food. This cancer takes on a "life of its own" and dictates everything to the extreme. I know now that what happens in the morning does not necessarily have any bearing on what happens the same afternoon.
I am trying to control what I can for him (pain....nausea......and comfort here at home)...but the rest is very unpredictable. This way of life is so very different for both of us, who are used to planning our days.....
I will keep you posted as we get more information.....blessings to all.....

Wednesday January 6th

The last couple of days have been good ones for Dave. He and Curt have had some time together to visit and get caught up on news...and of course they have watched football.....
Curt has been good medicine for Dave. I know that he gets really tired of being around me all of the time.
We go in for blood draws on Friday and those results will be faxed to KU Med for our treatment data on Monday. ( He will begin round #3.) Hopefully the weather will be cooperative for travel, but it looks as if we are going to have a heatwave of 35+ weather the first of the week.

Stay warm and blessings to all!

Monday January 4th

Today was a good day for Dave. He went to school for awhile to get things organized in his room. He is looking forward to coming back at least on a part time basis..he misses everyone at MSMS!!
Curt got here safely and it was great to see him walk thru the door!! He will be here for most of the week. We will gladly share him with his sister Karen....Our hope is that we can all get together this week sometime..it has been a long time ,and all of the Pickerts are special to us.
We went to the Dr. this afternoon and he went through the test results with us.....(the same results that Dr. Doolittle went over in KC), but it was good to hear it from another source. The IL-2 treatments seem to be keeping the cancer at bay for now. The next 2 rounds will be very telling. We will know that the treatments were a success if Dave's energy and appetite increase, and by his overall pain level. I feel cautiously optimistic about the last 2 rounds because it seems that his nausea is better and he has a few more good days than before.
Dave continues to be a source of strength for me .....he has yet to complain, he worries more about me than he does about himself.....
Blessings to all....keep praying.......

Sunday January 3rd

The past couple of days have been good ones for Dave. He went with Patty Ruzich to look at cars in Cheney and it was a bonus to see Jack Thomas and Keith McMahan .
Dave had not seen Kip and Leeann's house since they moved in (furniture/carpets...) we went to their house and had a good visit with them on Saturday night. It makes me so happy to see him doing things that we took for granted only a few months ago.
Today was a downward spiral. He was in bed all day, and just did not feel well. He was nauseous most of the day, but that has subsided tonight. His entire life is like a roller coaster...and I have to add neither one of us has ever liked roller coasters!! One of his best friends is coming in from California tomorrow. Curt (Pickert) and Dave have been friends since they were kids....I know that Curt being here will lift Dave's spirits.... I hope that he has some good days so that they can maybe go somewhere...if not I know that the time that they are going to spend together will be good for them both.
Blessings to all....keep warm....and continue your prayers......